Things I do right and things I can't do

"There is no wrong way to knit. The debate between throwing the yarn and picking it, using circulars or straights, choosing Fair Isle or intarsia...it's all a moot point. If you get something knitted at the end of it, you are doing it right. We should all agree to stop correcting each other and deal with the more important issue: How wrong crochet is."

- Stephanie Pearl-McPhee (The Yarn Harlot), At Knit's End

I feel this quote right now, for two reasons. One: I'm pretty damn sure I don't hold my yarn the right way. I've watched four videos trying to figure out a Latvian braid and everyone holds their yarn looped over their index and pinky fingers. I used to think that this was an English thing, but apparently you're supposed to do it knitting Continental as well.

I have been knitting for four years. I've knit lace, cables, fair isle, socks, all holding the yarn the wrong way. The fact that I didn't realize this until now is ridiculous.

Well, I've knit this entire shawl wrong. Guess I should rip it out and start over.

That said, I don't care that I hold my yarn the wrong way. Since realizing this, I've tried holding it the right way. The right way makes zero sense. The right way makes my stitches too tight (as an aside, I think I've discovered why my gauge is always so loose). The right way doesn't let the yarn run smooth. The right way gets tangled around my hands.

The right way is wrong for me. My way works. So I will keep doing it.

Image Source: Kirsten Kapur on Ravelry

The second reason I am feeling the quote right now is that crochet is wrong. It just is. My opinion on this matter may stem from the fact that no matter how many times I try, no matter who explains it to me, no matter how many times I pick up one of those hooks...I cannot crochet.

People always wonder at the complex puzzle that is knitting, exclaiming to me: "crochet is so much easier!" These people are liars.  Knitting consists of two stitches: knit and purl. Everything after that point is just the same stitches done a bit differently. Cabling is just moving things around, lace is just adding holes on purpose, colorwork is just everyday black magic.

Crochet has a hook and there's only one of it and the stitches hang off the hook when you aren't using them? How are you supposed to know which stitches you're supposed to -- what, crochet? -- into? And, most importantly: once you've put your slipknot on the hook, how do you make more loops without transforming your hands into a tangled mess of yarn, more hooks than you started with, wounded pride, and regret?

Knitting is simple. Crochet makes no sense.

Which sucks, because I really like Kirsten Kapur's Thorpe hat pattern. I've been ogling it for about a year now, since I started reading her blog and blew through three years of posts in two days. The colorwork is simple, the yarn is bulky enough to make it a weekend project, it has earflaps and it looks very warm and comfy.

It also has a crocheted border.

I swear the universe is plotting against me.